Sex in Romance

[Debbie Wallace]

When you pick up a romance novel to read, do you expect sex scenes or are you content to use your imagination?

[William Butler]

I'm probably a bit odd when it comes to this, but I tend not to care for descriptive sex scenes when I read. Heavy "petting", kissing, even things like licking ears or toes is okay, but depictions of actual, sexual contact don't appeal to me in romance or any other form of writing. I tend to be the same way when it comes to motion picture and television viewing. It may be that I'm a prude (I'm don't think I'm really that old, just 53) but unless I go out and seek erotica, I just have no need for a sex scene in other forms of fiction.

Don't get me wrong. I won't shy away from an otherwise good book because it contains one or more sex scenes. i just think it detracts from the story. I just see sex and romance as being two different things. While I understand romance oft times leads to sex, I don't think you have to include sex with romance and it's quite easy to have romance without depictions of sexual contact.

When I wrote "I Remember Tomorrow", the relationship between the main character and the man she meets is the central theme of the story. I goes from outright fear, to guarded exploration, to blind and passionate love. In the opening scene of the final chapter I wrote this:

Jeanette sat on the edge of her bed wearing only a sheer robe. The clock on her nightstand bathed her in soft, green light while behind her Richard snored quietly. After considering it a while longer, she stood and trod into the living room, bare feet squeaking as she walked across the linoleum and stopped at the phone on the wall beside the kitchen.

That was the sex scene... or at least as much as I needed for the reader to understand what had happened. Don't misunderstand; I realize many love stories revolve around or culminate in a passionate love scene... and that's fine. All I'm saying is I don't need to become sexually aroused in order to fall into the emotions of romantically involved characters. I can love them, cry for them, feel happy about their love without the sex. Others will have differing opinions, both as writers and readers. This is just where I am on the issue.

Be well,
William

[Debbie Wallace]

I'm only 53 too but admit I look for the sex scenes in a story. Maybe it's different for men but if I'm reading a story where I vest time and emotion in it, and every other chapter is the hero and heroine building up the sexual tension between them then they'd better get in the sack for some heavy loving before the story ends.

I wouldn't say you're odd. We all have our own likes and opinions.

[William Butler]

Quote from Gloria Mitchell: "...men seem to be able to separate sex and romance, women tend not to..."
Hmm... I've heard that both ways before. I've pondered it for quite a few years and I'm still not really sure there are any absolutes where it's involved. I love to read about a passionate kiss but from the perspective of the emotional content rather than the physical description of the action. The rapidly beating hearts, the beads of sweat that rise to the surface of his or her chest as body chemistry kicks into high gear. While those are also physical aspects, they go more toward describing the emotional state than the physical contact. The opposite might be descriptions of tongues intertwined and saliva dripping from the sides of their respective mouths. Both things allow me to "see" certain things but one (I think) is more rooted in the emotions than the physical contact.

I also realize that I'm probably way in over my head on this. Did I happen to mention that I'm probably a prude?

Anyway... I understand your's (Gloria's) and Debbie's points. But at the same time, when I read romance, I want to cry like a little school girl and hug a great huge teddy bear because the characters are so filled with love and affection. I just think that when the scene becomes explicit, it can clash with the romantic air.

But, as I said, I've been wrong before and I'd always be willing, as a writer, to defer to the opinions of the masses. That same thing is probably why I suck terribly at trying to write popular romance (I gave it a go, several years ago). What was it Dirty Harry said in Magnum Force? "A man's gotta know his limitations."

[Debbie Wallace]

I like your thoughts, Gloria! LOL